Frequently Googled Questions

A growing collection of my favorite weird questions (or statements) people have Googled that bring them here.

Q: “What is face fungus?”:
A: An excellent question. I’m no dermatologist, but when you look in the mirror and see something that looks like this…


face fungus

…You should probably see a qualified medical professional.

Q: Baseball Game First Date Tips
A: Tip number 1: Don’t. See a detailed explanation here.
Tip number 2: If you must MUST go to a baseball game for your first date, and you don’t have any independent interest in/knowledge of baseball….try not to sit by me.

Q: Jayson Werth Shirtless/Nick Swisher Shirtless
A: Ladies…..Come ON. You have to be able to do better than that.

Jayson Werth is a little bit terrifying.

I can only imagine that his picture day photo session went something like this:

“OK. Now let’s try one where you stare blankly at the camera while trying to look as much like a serial killer as possible.”



I’m not sure him going shirtless is going to improve things.

And as for Nick Swisher, there are plenty of creepy pics of him floating around the internet. I bet we’re all thinking of the exact same one right now.

Ew. I’m going to go wash my hands now. I feel dirty.
Q: “Why Matt Garza spit so much?” [sic]
A: This, my friend, is an excellent question, and one we don’t really know the answer to, for certain. Excessive saliva is a common symptom of many neurological disorders, but I think in Garza’s case, it’s probably just a bad habit he picked up in Little League–a cautionary tale for the parents out there.

I do find it interesting that SO many people are Googling this. There are a lot of variations including “Matt Garza gross spitting,” “Garza spits too much,” “Matt Garza spit,” etc. I think it’s safe to say that “Why does Garza spit so much?” is the new “What’s on Swisher’s face?”

Q: What Happeened to the Twin Girls with 1 Body?
A: Do you mean Abigail and Brittany Hensel? The conjoined twins from Minnesota are alive and well and enjoying adulthood. You can read more about them, and their organ distribution details, on their Wiki page here.
Q: “Adam Rodriguez is not the type of man you’d kick out of bed.”
A: OK, so this one is not actually a question. It is also not technically baseball-related in any way. But it IS a statement with which I absolutely concur, 100%.

Q: “Joe Maddon Shirtless”
A: Sweet fancy Moses. I’m thinking/praying that there is only one person in the world Googling this. I’m a little disturbed that it brought them HERE. But, in the interest of making sure no one leaves this blog disappointed:

madden shirtless

Now…whoever you are, I urge you….seek help.